Monday, June 20, 2016
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
6/19/2016
Hello, Everyone!
I was not home this morning when my youngest daughter, Melissa, called to wish me a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY; but in general, her message was that she is so glad I am her father. You are welcome, Melissa! And though my oldest daughter, Anita, has not yet called, she believes as does her younger sister. That I know, knowing both Melissa and Anita. Melissa is 37; and Anita is 46.
But why are Anita and Melissa glad I am their father? I believe it is because they know that I believe that each has his or her own life. I can share with my daughters, my standards - and I have done so throughout their lives - but my main example is not to get them to do what I do, but rather to learn from my example and do for themselves what is right for them.
I am a Nudist - have been all my life - even when I was a kid and I had to go nude by myself because my family did not share my particular love of life. I told my siblings (all 7 of them) and my wonderful parents that as far as I could see, embrace of life should mean nothing less than being comfortable with it and not excusing ourselves with some sort of shame. For me, it made no sense that I could believe that there is an Infinite Good God that has to be "everywhere" because of that infinity and then proclaim that I am somehow unworthy of that God. How in the world can I be unworthy of something that is "inside" of me? Tell me that!
But my parents were Catholic and Catholicism does not approve of our being worthy in and of ourselves. So I had to tow the line and keep my nudity to myself. Eventually, however, I married and had kids - two from two separate wives. My first wife, Dee, could not have kids. So we adopted a 3 month old child, Anita, in 1970, and gave Anita a home. I went nude - or naked - all the time with Anita; but Dee did not approve and I did not make an issue of it by suggesting to Anita she should follow her Dad's practice. That, to me, is what being a good father is all about - have your own standards, but do not impose them on others - even members of your own family.
Later, Dee & I divorced, when Anita was only 6, in 1977, mostly because of our conflict of beliefs - and shortly thereafter I met Pat and married her. Melissa came soon afterwards - in October of 1978. Pat was somewhat comfortable with my nudism, but not as a participant. An issue arrived about my nudity and rather than have Pat have to confront that issue, I chose to separate from Pat and her 5 year old daughter, Tammy, and my soon to be, Melissa - until I could resolve that issue. At the time of our separation, Pat was only pregnant with Melissa.
The issue was eventually resolved in my favor, but in the meantime, Pat moved to Florida to be with her family there - while I stayed in Colorado which had been my home for over 20 years. I must say I was lucky in that Pat and her new husband, Ed, did not consider my nudity an issue; and Melissa lived to grow up knowing on a somewhat constant basis what Anita had not been allowed. Because of her Catholic beliefs, my first wife, Dee, made nudity an issue; but second wife, Pat, never did.
Later, I married a 3rd time, in 2000. Ann went nude with me, but not for my reasons for embracing it. I embrace it because I think it is ideal - and should be a general ideal - but Ann was an atheist and had no such affinity due to principle. Ann's kids - and my step kids, Marie and Jimmy - had no problem with our going nude. At least, it was a step in the right direction, but Ann and I divorced due to another conflict - that of atheism versus theism; but I won't go into that.
But therein is a wonderful example of how easy it should be to live in this life. Have standards that are meaningful, but NEVER IMPOSE THEM ON OTHERS. I have been a nudist all my life, but have never seen a sibling, a parent, or a daughter or son nude - beyond baby years. They know they can adopt my standards in time, but so far none have; and that's alright. To each, his or her own.
Dad & Mom did not see me nude either, beyond my baby years, but I guess I was lucky in that they did not make my desire of nudity an issue. Dad told me shortly before he was killed in an auto-pedestrian accident in July of 1966, when I was 24, that he did not think the world would ever be open to nudity because of its obsession with sin, but that if it meant anything at all to me, I had his blessing to follow my own standards.
Dad was like that - a wonderful, wonderful, quiet man - who felt that the greatest meaning of life is to respect others for the decisions they make. If I wanted to be a nudist, I had his blessing - though he was not one himself - and if my sister, Helen, wanted to be a Lutheran - and leave our family faith, Catholicism, behind - to marry a Lutheran, then who was he to even imply it should not be so. Life is just too wonderful to waste it fretting about what someone else is doing. Love who and what you are, but do not impose it on others.
Anita and Melissa have heard that a thousand times from their Dad; and they know me because of it. They are not ashamed of Dad; and like Melissa declared in her phone message of this morning, they are so very happy that I am their father.
You are welcome, Melissa - as are you, Anita - and all of my step kids of former marriages: Tammy, Marie, Jimmy, and one of Ann's whom I never got to know, Terry.
Let me leave you with a song I wrote about Dad. I was on a beach in Savannah, Georgia, in 1990 - and while pondering the meaning of life as I sat there looking out on the vast Atlantic Ocean, and thinking too of Dad, I wrote this song. On this Father's Day, let me share it with you now. Perhaps your dad was (or is) like mine and you have similar feelings about your dad. If my thoughts are also your own, fine. If not, well, one can always become a father - or mother - one never had. Right?
Thanks!
Gently,
Francis William Bessler
Laramie, Wyoming
willieb@wyoming.com
I ONCE KNEW A MAN
A Poem or Song
By
Francis William Bessler
Savannah, Georgia
4/1990
(while sitting on an Atlantic Ocean beach.
pondering Dad.)
I once knew a man
who walked upon this land -
and oh, what a man he was to me.
I once knew a man
who was as simple as he could be
and he taught me to be, like he.
I once knew a man
who took me in his hands
and taught me that all souls
should be free;
but now that man has gone,
though his soul lingers on,
and memories of him come and go
like the tide of a sea.
I once knew a man
who walked upon this land -
and oh, what a light he has been.
I once knew a man
who was good for those he loved
and he guided me to seek to understand.
I once knew a man
who struggled all his life
to be an example
to the children that he had;
and now I’m proud to say,
his life was no waste;
for I still love today –
the man I call Dad.
Memories of him go on,
like ducks on a moonlit pond;
and they comfort me in times of need.
He was like a flower on a hill,
a gentle breeze through a windowsill.
He was, and always will,
be to me poetry.
I once knew a man
who walked upon this land -
and oh, what a man he was to me.
I once knew a man
who was as simple as he could be
and he taught me to be, like he.
I once knew a man
who took me in his hands
and taught me that
all souls should be free;
but now that man has gone,
though his soul lingers on,
and memories of him come and go
like the tide of a sea.
Yes, memories of him come and go
like the tide of a sea.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, EVERYONE!